I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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