She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
