I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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