I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i drank out of a bidet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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