I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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