I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
