called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
