forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
