I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
