is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize