so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
