I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
