i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
