the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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