im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
