shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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