how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
