Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
