Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
