you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
