Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
