He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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