my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
