just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize