I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
