kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize