i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
