You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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