Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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