Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
