Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
