This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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