I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
