my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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