im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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