Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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