I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize