i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
