drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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