If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
