I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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