my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
