Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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