I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
