her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
