I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
