Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
