dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
