i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
