She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
