Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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