I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What happened to fro yo and sex?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
