why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
