Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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