forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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