Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
