I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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