Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
