something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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