so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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