just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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