she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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