I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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