you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
