i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
