3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
