he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
