Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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