When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
