this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
