u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
