i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
