I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
