She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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