the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i barfeds in our rink
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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