The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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