Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
