im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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