My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
