Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
