It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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