Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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