I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
