I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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