I skipped work to stalk him.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
