Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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