Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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