please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
