I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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