physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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