Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
