He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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