the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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