Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize