Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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